my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
