shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
