theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
