1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
