I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
