Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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