Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
