Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
