No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
