My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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