I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
