dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here