what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.