i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mom said you looked used
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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