He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
