his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
