He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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