yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
