I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.