You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
