left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
