Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
