btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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