I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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