Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
