I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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