Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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