your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
