Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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