This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
