Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
