He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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