I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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