he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Still dying that you shit outside
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
