please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
