I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
