Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I had to cum in my sink.
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