i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
