I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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