idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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