I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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