Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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