Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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