I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
