he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
