I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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