chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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