All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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