I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
