That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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