Im at strip club and am horny
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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