how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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