I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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