I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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