I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
