So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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