I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
