My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
