John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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