the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
