She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
