Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
