ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
