if i can run in heels then i can drive
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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