the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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