Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
