I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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