Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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